Thursday, July 22, 2010

Day 4 is slowly passing

Holy, This is so hard for me.
What i was wondering
does any of you who ever went through this,
if it actually does become easier?
Now it seems i am just biding time
distracting my mind etc, where the urge keeps coming back as strong as ever.
It is now debilitating me.
Nothing sensible comes out of me
Hahaahahhaha this blogging is saving my life
or am i fooling myself
i am not dealing with it appropriately
am i as i said just distracting myself, where it will hit harder every time i come to myself

the ocean 's black
waves without a crest
they hit me hard
pull me under
spit me out again
never am i going anywhere
i used to love that game
and i still will
when the ocean would be closer
when there is salty water
for real surrounding me
again again
we walk into the surf
and let the mighty power
play with us
the waves are dry
the salt it
lashes on my skin
i do not like it
i do not like it
not one little bit


Jos said...

It does get easier Joz, hang in there. Also really change the way you're thinking ... not easy I know but, every time you feel that "niggle" remind yourself that these are the claws of a trap trying to hold you back. You are well on your way to escaping completely! After about 6 days the nicotine is out of your system completely. Then it really is completely a mental game. The less you let it dominate your thoughts the easier it will become.

Funny how great it is to swim in the sea, I love the waves, and sometimes still go surfing and more recetnly body boarding. But the salt drying on our skin, yes I do not like that itch either.

Everything has it's cost I guess.

xx Jos

Spindrift said...

There was an advert on TV when I was giving up that used the expression 'No Gary, No!'. All these cheesy looking guys in aerobics gear would jump in front of the smoker and say this. I used to repeat it to myself. I used to tell myself 'I don't smoke', 'I'm not a smoker'. Cravings do get further apart. Cravings - gap - cravings - gap. Count them from now. It's like listening to the thunder and seeing the lightening as the strom gets further away. Count the seconds. The storm is slowly, slowly, slowly drifting further away. It will be over, believe it. All the best

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

Distraction is a completely appropriate way of dealing with your addiction!

I would like to say it will get easier soon, but it will probably take quite a while before that happens. Keep finding other things to do with your hands and your mind.

It will come!!

I will be gone for two weeks, but I cannot wait to check your blog after that time and see that you are still smoke free! Keep working hard at making yourself healthy!

jozien said...

Thanks again, all your suggestions do help, as i don't really have a plan of my own, i try everything that is presented to me.
I feel good today, am going with the flow again; laundry, calls to A's collage, i might have breakfast, tidying and slowly getting ready for a slow painting, nothing too shocking, just laying in the sand in the sun letting life stroke the salt of my skin.