Sunday, December 14, 2014

red kites in winter

I enter through the cave far out in the wide open field, i must have written about this place before, it is a dreamspace i sometimes visit. As it is with dreams one never knows when the next visit will be and how it will be that night in bright daylight. If there is ice on the river or not. If i have to cross it to a more familiar place, a place remembered from childhood, or if i just ride the white water through the narrowest of gap, where it is never dark. It's a river underground. I am somewhat scared but i know i have been there before, and i know i will be safe. Different then the blue sky above, i only go there when i am lucid, more on purpose, but i haven't been lucid for a long time. The sky, my wings amazing, but it is always trouble in my sky there are electrical wires i have to avoid. I better stay indoors, aerial dancing underneath big vaulted ceilings. The dancing always indoors, i do it to impress people. Not the flying, that is out there in the open, all by myself, happily. The underground river i often am there with others, but not really connected to them or concerned with them. They are just there as i am there. Yesterday i was chopped up, my limbs separated. It was fine, i was totally fine that way. The next night i was a teacher, i saw how my colleagues prepared this class to make bright red kites from newspapers. The kids were quite happy to not have the theory which my classes are full of, in which i come unprepared to teach them. Unpreparedness is the theme in any school related dream. These places really not as far removed from reality as my real reality. After a walk in the dark on the snow road through the forest i stepped in the shop and there was Don awake dreaming, i stood with him we shared a beer, we are an almost extinct species Don, we are dinosaurs Jozien. We do talk over skype with Jim in the Philippines we hear the roosters crowing. Our house in the middle of a forever forest that is forever blanketed in white this year. We haul water from the creek we chop wood from the forest surrounding our house, but these are chores far removed when i sit here behind the computer in my warm and cozy place, i do get hot flashes nowadays, Don snoring. The kids in the Philippines play basketball on the street every evening. I do wonder about kids here these days, kids attached to their iPads,beautiful kids teenagers to their iPhones, gorgeous teenagers, well to do adults attached to their pill boxes. Maybe it is all different dreamspaces. Nothing to be worried about, i know they are not.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

it's a dream

ha! i went out to see my lover today :) oh yes she was there the glory of the first moment i see her again and she was ready for me, to carry me and as i sit on her bank listening to her talk, a soft gurgle under the ice, long ago summer talk. it made me wonder how do i assess  my relationships if they are worth it if they make me feel i float. all mountains and rivers are magnificent, but i do not call all of them mine. there are the relationships that are, now here, real time. and there are the ones that could be, the potential ones. and then there are the ones to be treasured most they are the ones of real dream stuff they can never can be.
you know when they are when you ride the boat together and yes on top of the wave is easy, pure joy. even if you know deep down you will go under again but that moment the sun is shining and the sky is blue. and when you are down you know it by when there is no word spoken as he enters the house by the cold air that makes you shiver. the waves come and go you know it is real by it's immediate action.
and then there are relationship that could be. how do you know if they are real? my lover here this afternoon i know she is real because first i was able to get to her, it did take me some hard work, trees had fallen across the trail, the meadow before her coming was new, exciting, different then any time before and crawling through the dense willows that stood before her and like i told you; suddenly there she was! and she was ready to carry me, she was there for me. sometimes she is not ready but always will she let me sit on her banks and always will she listen and when i listen always will she talk. yes that is how i know she is real.and very much worth it.
Ah and then i dance an twirl because her skin so smooth because i am to be called spoiled, there is those, many, that i connect with inimitably and i know like clear ice. that it will never work  yet i can save them for the last dance from here till eternity. they the ones that are always there for me riding on top of the wave never going down.