Saturday, October 9, 2010

being in the trenches

I do not have a photo to add, and if i took one now it just shows white anyway.
It's not so bad that i have to dig a trench to get out.

The miners are out! I just saw that on the sidelines here, i do not listen to or watch any news, but luckily i did catch that. I get goosebumps, all the happiness!

Just now today when i wanted to talk relationships. I just figured out something about relationships. Ah! i will clean out your closet and i might even teach you a thing or two.

These miners though they teach us all sort of lessons. And really they were not trying to and definitely didn't want to. Alas they did; the joy of being free and alive.

As a job i am a house cleaner and a teacher and a keeper of wild places and an artist, and much more. That is really too much to get my point across.
So what i am trying to say is that in our society we all do specified jobs. And most of us are pretty emerged in our work. Now i thought maybe our relationships go wrong because of that. As a teacher i have to watch not to always wanting to teach my husband or even thinking he should learn how to be a good man to me. ha!
Do we think the same works in a relationship, where we can just be one aspect and things will be fine. or that we expect unconsciously, it to be as in our working life. Like me thinking all will be fine if my husband just be my good student.

Being in a relationship is being in the trenches, with a shovel in our hand, only we can dig it ourself. And in a functioning relationship we dig together. We also have to know were the trench is going, being our own boss, knowing what kind of material we are dealing with, we have to have a general plan. etc etc we have to climb out, and make supper. make sure everybody gets enough sleep etc etc.
I trust you are using your imagination.

In a relationship, which means more than just me, we will share the tasks at hand.
But we cannot expect things to flow beautifully if we expect things to be done when we are not doing them.

* of course there is our Great overseer who will guide us. Still we all will have to pick up the shovel, and dig that whole trench.

What i am trying to ask from you here, is to look at yourself that way and report back to me :) I am a teacher you know.

What i am trying from now on in my relationships is to let you clean your own dirt, to be the student, to let things go and to not always create but also just be. BE ME.
and not just what's in my job description.

:) what do you think? Am i out on limb, wild in the wilderness?

6 comments:

LG said...

Yes perhaps we take our work 'into the other aspects of our lives'. It is important to remember tht because as you say your husband and friends might not appreciate being treated like your students...I did auditing apprenticeship when I met and married husband what 18 years ago, and for the first 2 years everytime he told me something I would say "Are you sure? Can we double check?" as I had to 'double check' my work for auditing and after a while he got very irritated and told me thus and then I stopped 'double checking' him. But life is such...now I am an accountant and find myself talking to friends, and when they mention money problems, my accountant comes to the front and I ask them "Do they have a monthly budget and bank recon to see where their money goes" and they'll tell me "No, they have no idea how to do one". And then I'll tell them the basics...the point is I might do a budget and my bank recon naturally every month because I am an accountant, but despite the advice re their problems, my friends still don't...and then they are the only ones to get themselves out of the trenches aren't they?

:)

Kraxpelax said...

FIVE HICOOS FOR ETERNITY

– Mirror on the wall,
please tell me, how can I find
the Source of my Self?

Flashboy, reflection
depends on your Mind, gone like
a window across

This aperture's well
into the trees in order
to get the picture

No camera yields
by the thunder of silence
while nothing stays real

Like Void breaks the still
ness of a lightning above
that calm forest lake.

Single Swingle

- Yours, Peter Ingestad, Sverige

jozien said...

Liz! good to see you.
Yes! thanks! And indeed true what you say; they are the only ones to get themselves out. And i like to add, if they want to stay in that's fine too :) The image of a trench came to my mind, is indeed that we really have to do our own digging.

Hi Peter, nice to meet you. Thanks for the Hicoos :) what are hicoos???

christopher said...

There has to be a certain easiness and a certain willingness to change too. My twenty year marriage started with reservations even while there was a commitment. There were areas of my life that I kept to myself and that never changed. I don't think that is good, but it had to happen in that relationship.

I guess I don't think that there is only one way to express reality in relationships. The ones that last take the commitment to making them last no matter what, pretty much no matter what. You treat them like your relationships with your kids, how no matter what happens you will still be mother or father.

I am your friend, Jozien, pretty much no matter what happens. You can tell me to go away, I guess, to withdraw all signals, but that still wouldn't stop me. Perhaps if you turned hostile, maybe then but you would have to convince me you weren't somehow damaged and ill.

So one piece of this is what I value and it comes first, requires no work at all. If that piece is not in place, then it won't matter maybe what I am willing to do today to work on our relationship. It is what I am myself.

In the end in my marriage, we finished in the same way we stayed together, in determination to not harm each other. Even in the face of the disaster at hand we worked to keep what belonged with each other clear and we navigated and end to the relationship the same way we built it. Annie got most of the money and I got most of the property because that was the only fair way.

As to the commitment, it turns out I have not yet married again and I still think of her as my wife. I get away with it because I am not in another relationship like that. She died in 2001 and that after we divorced but she is still my wife.

Brian said...

Hi one of the wild place,
I have dug many holes to be swallowed up in .But sometimes a shallow scrape can be enough .The thing is when you start diggin you find dirt and the dirt does stick. So is it best to have everything out in the open . I think not, some things should be buried deep
underground and kept in the chasm's not out in the light of day. Although if a trench has to be dug make sure its not too deep then you can still get out. If you dig deeper the sides cave in ,and a grave it becomes. What is it that we would find ,if we dug all the time not gold that's for sure. Being honest is alway's best but the shovel should be kept handy :)Brian(:

jozien said...

Christopher and Brian, i really enjoyed your comments. Thanks!!!