Tuesday, December 6, 2022

perfectly bored

I woke up feeling strange this morning. and still do, kind of. Physically i have one cold foot, and sit here with a hot water bottle, which always feels perfectly lovely. It is one of those rubber bladders and i fill it with hot water from the wood stove. 

It is my brother's birthday today, i phoned him already. It is still dark out, so we won't go for a walk just yet, yesterday we actually did leave around this time, we were both eager to go, each for our own reason.  This morning not so eager, we  did also already played a game of cards. Our christmas holiday jig-saw,  is already completed.

It is boredom, i feel boredom. I used to feel boredom quite a bit, even when i had tons to do. For me boredom is more a state of mind, where i just do not feel like doing anything, not dependent on busy lives.

I do find that since I meditate daily, i hardly have that kind of boredom.   

So yes i did not have a good medittion this morning, but i do not think that is it, it is deeper then that.

What i can say; yesterday i did go out with a friend.  And compared to her my life is super relaxed. I think compared to most my life is super relaxed, and i do love that, but being out with her, seeing how she has all those connections....yes, not so much that she always has a lot to do. But she has lots of connections/ friends. I envy that.

I am very grateful for having a few very good friends. But when i feel like this, it does not help if you say; "oh you might not have many friends, but they are all very good friends." bs, I am sure hers and other people's friendships run as deep as mine, possibly deeper.

It is like when  i was told as a child, "everyone has a talent jozientje, you too." That is so much bs. Yes sure i have talents, can't think of any right now,  but sure. I personally believe that talents are very  unevenly distributed.

Which, i love this writing (or for that matter meditating or talking to a close friend) because it brings me around. Yes it brings me too the feeling; i will always choose the life i have. I love the life i have.

I have lived this truth for ever, I am sure i have written about it before, We all live exactly the life we want best, we would never trade it with the person we occasionally envy. OMG  never!

Right?  or would you say;  I would  honestly love to trade with so and so? let me know!

Time for our walk!  Hoping to meet some of my good friends; the fox, the deer, the elk, the grey jays, the ravens , the chickadees and who knows.



3 comments:

MFH said...

Boredom is a healthy emotion that alerts you to the need for something different. Depression, an intense form of boredom, can make discovering what you need difficult...if you can't take required initiative.

My friends on Kegowan Island fly to the Yucatan around this time of year. They too are very frugal but have managed, they tell me, to find affordable housing. They usually stay two or three months. There is alot to do down there....and it's warm.

jozien said...

Yes indeed, healthy emotion. And i am no psychologist, but i say it is both an alert for change, but also an alert to enjoy what is now, be in the moment.
I did choose yesterday to step out of it, like you suggest, we drove to Canyon, and i took my axe and handsaw, and for me opposite to my husband, he likes things the same, i was happy to get a cute little christmas tree from a total different place, then other years. Like we will have an energy in the house that comes from a far away exotic place. (from the Moraine Lake road, some 40 km west of here, not too much south, i am sorry:)

MFH said...

Was it just you and your friend?