Saturday, September 15, 2012

don't worry

this was last week.
And personally i like winter anyway. But for now i am happy that it is autumn, and i am so happy i discovered soapberries, i still do dishes everyday with soapberries. Enjoying it as long as it last, And amazingly the amount of soapberries in my yard is amazing, i just don't know how long they stay on the bush, firm enough to be able to be picked for dishes. Unlike other berries i feel no desire to pick large quantities for future use.

i like to journal here for a group i am in.
It's called Changeways
Long story short; i felt depressed last March and signed up for this program, It started two weeks ago. We meet one morning a week)

Today's journal.
Right now, i feel what bother's me most, it's an anxiety; i want to write here, but i want to do other things, but   like often i go into a state of thinking about what i like to do best, and can't come up with the answer. Yesterday, succesfully so, i would just do what came up into my head first.Astra, the group leader, explained it as, our instinct says, to curl up and do nothing. but she went on in saying that often we would know what to do. And i did.
Now i do wonder, by doing doing doing, don't i ignore the fact that i just want to be, but i really want to give this program my best effort, and will do as i am told, and hopefully in a few weeks i will see a positive result.

What i do wonder, when did this anxiety start, My mother told me that as a young kid, i would be either very happy or lay on the couch... not so much miserable but maybe unable....

It's a long story

But don't worry, i don't fit the category, majorly depressed.

I actually think being depressed is a good way to be....


Brian said...

Just be yourself and that will do fine, in all your wild places .Take care wild lady :)

christopher said...

I think so highly of you, dear lady. I do think I understand that you want to change something and I think that working like this might not be the same as rushing around and hiding in the doing of things. I know what you mean about being so active you forget to simply be but I really don't think you have to worry too much about that. You will never lose the way you wander about in the wilderness letting it talk to you. I love you, Jozien.