Friday, June 25, 2010

rose garden

I call my art, rose garden art.
A few weeks out of the year i live in this rose garden
i will post more pictures on my art blog.
I also call it 'rose garden', as in my art i want to express....
i wonder. the idea was to express the perfection of life, or was it the perfect romantic relationship. Anyway to some how find that in myself, through my art. Because i know it's there, we all have the perfect rose garden in our self.

Well this photo is my rainwater basin surrounded by roses, i do live a rosy life.
In a way. more and more. somehow.

Through my meditations with a group of woman and the guidance of the voice of Pema Chodron, i had a realization yesterday.
I wonder what you think, if you will recognize what i say.

Is it that all of us or some of us, definitely me, have this great fear in ourselves. Pema and many teachers talk about it, so let me assume for now that that is so. My great deep fear these days is that i cannot look after myself. I think the real issue lays deeper. But that's where expresses it self now. It is not that there is great happenings that proof that somehow. Just that my car has been broken down for some time, and i don't have the money for a new one. That's all, really what a pityfull issue. My health is good, my kid is growing up quite happily, my husband is not running away from me, they are healthy. I live in a safe world, i have a roof over my head, etc etc.

I do think that many of us have a struggle of some kind.
Now i wondered, if i totally overcome that, would some other struggle appear, or will i never overcome this, is this just my struggle this time around? Or can i overcome it all?

Or do i just have to live fearlessly in the face of what ever appears?

that's what i figured yesterday, yesterday it seemed like a great insight, now it seems that everybody knows that and does that anyway.

I only want to say; to me it feels like i do not suffer now, even looking that pit of my own horror right in the face.

haha, i didn't anyway, or so it seems, now i know it all :)

again, again, i love to hear from you.


christopher said...

Jozien, you certainly bring in with you a fully formed destiny. Not the picture of it, not the plans, not the instructions, but even so something to go with or push against. As well, you are among people, some of whom belong in your circle and some who do not. They have the same powers you do, or at least similar ones, and perhaps some are stronger than you and close enough that your life has been altered by THEIR destiny too. You are invited to become more fully human as you go whether or not you find your destiny, whether or not you rebel.

You know all this. :)

For the most part I sense you have found your way though you wander a bit...

jozien said...

:) i know,
and i long to be more clear, but i am a wanderer at heart.

taibhsearachd said...

What a beautiful rose garden!

taibhsearachd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aria said...

still, with all this wondering, what a beautiful life you have, with a beatiful rose garden....
Here... I'm home again, after a week with lots of work, partying, meeting friends, business drinks, with too little time to memorize in rose gardens about the beautiful things of life..
Thinking of you!