Happy New Year

It is very nice to have my son home for a bit over the Christmas holidays.

Frostbite

Yesterday the weather finally warmed up here, but as it is i am staying indoors to rest.

The case is i have sore toes. I have asked around and googled things. Not finding and getting a lot of useful information.But i decided the most sensible thing to  do seems to stay warm and rest. and massages as many as i can get.

As metaphysical causes i found feet stand for future, but the big toe for dominance. -repressed desire to dominate- i found somewhere.

 Okay i will think about that. The future  might make sense, i do feel  more ever recently that i have to make a decision about my future. And for dominance :) ERASE what i say next:: i wonder if i should really look for a new partner, one that i can lovingly dominate .

back to the basic facts.

On Christmas eve i got my toes really cold, but not colder then usually after a long trip in severe weather.

I do have to say, this year i wear normal ski boots, compared to my big boots. I was tired of skiing on heavy duty skies, that have bindings fit for bunny boots.

Anyway warming up my toes at home, wnt fairly normal. I remember one year i once had incruciating pain while warming them up. 

Now the pain seemed to come later, somehow delayed. pins and needles feeling.

On boxing day i went out for a prolonged time again, and after that trip the pins and needles had worsened, or maybe more now i was truly alerted.

On google i found so little , the 811 nurse. Only helped by saying , i might have some nerve ending damage. her book said to go to the doctor immediately. Which i haven't done yet.

Anyway somewhere i did read rest/massage and that it might take a few days to a week.

So i will go with that, and let you know.

I did find though that frostbite is a very serious condition

I suppose we live a little on the edge here in the Yukon

The nurse ( from down south) asked me if i often have sensitive skin to the cold. Yes  i do! 

Which to her book requires a visit to a physician. But i figure living here, being outdoors a lot, that is daily life. My cheeks have put up with a lot over the years.

And one more note, one year i did get frostbite on my cheek, a hard patch of white skin, it recovered well, but for a few years that would be a sensitive spot to the old, i had to cover my cheek with a scarve being outside in  sub minus 20 temperatures. That spot has now totally recovered, even on those days last week my cheeks stood up to the weather uncovered.

I just wanted to tell this, maybe you have similar experiences, or questions

or some answers for me.

Thank you

ps and i drink my herbal teas: nettle, labrador, rose , potentilla, artemisia etc

Morgan le Fay

fata morgana, mirage

same mountains on different days

all i want to say actually is that i am upset with botany, first i found out this year that fireweed is not epilobium anymore, now you might think, what is your point, but now i find out that even asters that are asters are not asters.

we all know asters right?

you go check my wild flower blog if you want to know more.

and i know that it is me that is slightly obsessed with the name of a flower.

what is my reasoning? 

when i actually know something

a flower

a little detail of love

IT EXIST

sun dog

yesterday's poem is much longer, some times emotions are not to catch in four sentences, neither are they in a page long poem, so i suffice with telling you about facts of today's day. Yet even facts can have an ellusive quality to them.
This morning we were gazing at the sky, from here, from up the hill and from the neighbours deck. What was being clear was not so clear now. Our neighbours saw something in the sky , that didn't seem to be explained rationally like a sun dog. We'll have to look again tomorrow night.
Then at home after days of silent weather a whirlwind blew through our yard, putting us in a white out, now all is calm again and pink.
And.... i am still not smoking, and i KNOW i won't ever again, it's just what it is.

sun pillar

a sun pillar

it was you wasn't it?

i walk around my feet not touching the ground

it is very tiresome that way

my heart screams and i don't know if i laugh or cry

divine intervention

every year the lake freezes up differently

Last week i had an interesting experience, that makes me wonder about how free will works, if it does, and what is divine intervention.

Ha! i decided (again) to stop smoking last week. And i am now officially a non-smoker. Someone like you who has no desire to smoke, no will power needed, we just do not have the urge.

So yes, i read the book of Allen Carr,

but not till after i decided to sop again.

This is the story:  the morning i stopped was the morning i was planning to go to an after-care meeting from my recent 'changeways' group. I thought  i can speak about it there and they can encourage and support me and help me to set goals and solidify them. The meeting wasn't as good as i expected, i found it kind of lame, everybody was complaining and i was goofy. But anyway i did say what i set out to do and asked the group how i could set it in to manageable goals for the coming week, other than, stop smoking. Afew people said some reasonable things, which i waved down. Then this new girl ( that i didn't like yet, gosh i don't know her) she said get Allen Carr's book. Now we all know how there is a trillion self-help books out there, and what kind of goal is that anyway?  But for some reason i said, oh that sounds good, every time i feel i want to smoke i will read in a book about not smoking. After the meeting i did ask her for the exact title, while actually  having no trust (note last post!) that a particular book could truly help me.

And by golly it did!

The essence of his method is that he makes you understand that smoking does nothing for you. We all will start for a variety of reasons, well none of us really start smoking thinking , oh i like to be a smoker for the rest of my life. Then he says, because the cigarette taste awful we actually believe, that we can never get hooked.

But he goes on, nicotine is very addictive! and what it does, the withdrawal symptoms make you slightly uneasy, give you kind of an empty feeling, 

and that is the only reason you smoke again! to end a feeling created by the nicotine.

The easy way it is called, and easy it is!

Trust

of course i could write a whole chapter on sheep and trust...

I was saying that trust for me is an easy thing, i used to be outright gullible. Then i swung to just trusting that everything a certain person in my life said was a lie.
where am i now? i easily trust, or it just doesn't matter.

I trust that everything here on the Internet is out of my hands, When someone wants to use my photos in whatever way, bless them, i am glad i could inspire you.

I trust people totally,  it doesn't really matter if they lie,  how can i explain that?
When someone tells me they will love me forever, well by their actions of that moment i will know if they love me that very moment or not, and that is all that matters.

we call it, living in the moment, mindfullness :) you know the terms

all we have is the moment.

so when you mean trust, do you mean you are scared if they lie?
I do somtimes find living with my husband precarious ( balancing on a rock like a sheep, but i am sure a sheep doesn't think that way, he trusts himself, the group and the rock)  with my husband i do have to often take a moment, know my self, because he is not to be trusted, i can trust on that.

do not to elaborate?
 or can i trust that you understand why i feel trust is not an issue for me

You know what i was wondering lately, why is TIME so important to me, why do i always want to know what time it is, why do i always feel i run out of time, why am i always on time?

The circle came round, i have a total lack of trust in time..... can you explain that to me.

Jozien xox

sheep we are

(picture taken this summer)
are we sheep?
i don't know, what i want to write about, and ran out of time again, i am a sheep as i am always on the run and no place to go.

sooo what i want to write about.
is i observed in myself (and my husband) when one is in total joy, one does not feel discomfort.
Joy might not be the right word,  it's being in the moment also.
It's moments where one is at peace...
breathing...
I observed it first when i was in my meditation group, which i love, and as i had a bad cold, but went anyway, the whole friggin hour, i had NO cold, my nose didn't sniffle once.

Any i have to run now

rushing will do it for me too :)

while at it that is, like now

let's talk more about after...

love jozien