My reslution for this year is peace in my own life, let me at least not throw any proverbial bombs anymore.
As the new year is already over a week old, i have to admit, i already have thrown some bombs.
And what i mean with that is i will often say things rather blunt.
I finally, age 63, start seeing that really nobody truely likes that.
To change myself like that, i need awereness, otherwise it is out before i know it. Of course a good start is to have at least some awereness when i throw such bomb.
It makes me wonder if the 'real' bomb throwers actually have much awereness. Probably not, right?
A few days ago i started off really good. You have to know my husband is aging quite rapidly, and more then ever he wants me to be by his side. Now there is a bit of a controlling aspect to this, which i have battled with for my whole marriage. No more battle! I had a plan to go walking with friends, leaving in the time slot when i normally have my morning walk with him. Instead of dropping it as bomb and having to battle . I brought it very gently, and expressed understanding for his feelings.
I still cannot believe how easy that went, i was out of the door before i knew it, all peace and harmony.
Now i also happen to have a bit of a problem with my vocals, so meeting up with my friends, i said i will not be talking as much as i ussually do. They were probably quite ok with that, because we tend to talk a lot. Sometimes we even throw in some silent meditation, say we walk 15 minutes without talking. That is hard for us. But this time i just let them talk.
I have to say no awereness here on my side, when i am with people i hardly ever have awereness, I meditate every morning and that is what i work on to stay attentive to the moment, knowing, like for example now; my fingers are typing, that the clock is ticking, my mind says much more then i can type here. When i am with people no such thing, as awereness, i am just blabbering about. (hopefully often quite intelligently or at least entertaining)
And sure enough after an hour into the walk i forget all about my talking less and my peace resolution,was totally not on my mind, and I actually became quite blunt, weirdly so. As my throat did hurt i had some awereness that i was talking too much, but not enough realization to stop, and twice in the next hour i realized i was quite rude, once i apologized but then later did it again.
Peace to you All!
What was your moment of awereness today? Which is always worthy to be celebrated!
2 comments:
As Live and Learn said, being aware that something needs to change is the first step. Often, it is a case of one step forward (you were gentle when you informed your husband of your plans to walk with your friends) and two steps back (you were blunt at least twice when you were with your friends). But, the good thing is, you were aware that you were being blunt and you even apologized, once. It takes time to change our behaviors. Hope the second week goes peacefully. :)
Thank you ladies! this helps me to keep working on IT :)
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