Saturday, March 12, 2011

I am sorry

' i am sorry, mostly to me from me'
writing here i might come upon a better line explaining what i feel
sometimes i think i have got all the answers
other times i get a glimpse of how i am just going around in circles
right now i feel on the downside of things
not deeply
my life rarely comes to a screaming halt
an earthquake here only felt as a slight ramble
and when things are shaken up
they straighten out again quite smoothly
often i feel i am very blessed that way
and it's not that i am hoping for a big earth quack hitting me
and i do feel for all those people, praying for them
But i wish,
i wish
yes what do i wish?
I remember having a party life
long time ago
suddenly i got tired of it all and left that life behind
now for a few years i had my parties on the Internet
yes here blogging and such
and it is fun! well you know that.
and lately i was partying on fetlife
yes i know, the parties kind of wilder
i imagine like on facebook
i never did facebook :)
but right now i feel it is coming to an end
i am sorry to you
that i don't feel like talking to you anymore
and the funny thing is here i sit rambling
rambling as always
thinking i might figure myself out
when i just ramble on
and the river flows.......
what happens when i truly accept who i am?
the river flows
:) nothing really changes

but look at the beauty! of
ice dipping in freezing cold water flowing


Brian said...

Hey Wild one sorry that your sorry .Is the river half full or half empty . Im Sorry if the wild lady is moving on from this wild place. Take care wherever you go I hope that the artic winds will push you back sometime:)

christopher said...

The fantasy has burned away and the reality does not sustain you. There is nothing to be sorry for. We all keep learning what is real.

If you already knew what is real then your life would be far different already.

Love of course is real.

I love you. That is real.

Spindrift said...

Hello dear Jozien, i'm posting from my mobile so not ideal, but wanted to say when i read this i first thought your poetry, spoken word meant you were in contemplation of getting hit by a 'duck' (quack) which i thought was kind of obscure, but fun in my head in a cartoon way, and not fatalistic. My wife is japanese and she worried so for friends and family. The telephone was down for a while. They are ok. Jozien, have you considered therapy? I did 2 rounds recently of ACT and CBT, working with self esteem and doing childhood visualisations. It helped tremendously. My child is safer now. (me) you have to find something you like but i think it can help with some of the questions you have. Safe journey.

Sue said...

I'll miss you if you are gone, but I feel like I understand... so don't be sorry...

I'm going to think of you as a friend always, even though we've never met in real life and even if we don't meet here again in the internet.

So you can think of me as a friend you've never met, wandering around in not so wild places. And you know where to find my blog if you ever feel like saying hi!

jozien said...

my gosh, you all are such amazing friends, i am very touched by this.thank you

aria said...

dear jozien,
do not be sorry... live your life ... and enjoy it... You can do it. There will always be people who love you, nearby or thousands km's away.. Trust yourself.
Big hug..

John said...

Soulful Spritual Moving Open Revealing Beautiful.

John said...

In every journey we visit new and exciting places. At times we linger and play at others we stop to watch taking in all we can and some we pass without a thought. In the end it's not the goal that we seek that important, rather the quest, the journey to discover and enrich ourselves that makes us who we are.

gfid said...

such sadness in your words. you don't have to speak; your pictures tell stories. be well.

Anonymous said...

Can you be seduced into writing once a month and showing your photos and art???

Akannie said...

Joz....Please don't go. You are a brisk breath of fresh air....

Your friend, Akannie

jozien said...

Thank you, thank you :)
i will try to write occasionally, i would love that.