Tuesday, August 20, 2013

here there

peak to peak gondola

if one moment i can find myself here and the other moment there, that is probably why your fire burned me so suddenly.
people people everywhere, while i look for pink panties. in the stores aimed for obviously bigger women, size small is way too big for me, getting closer to down town, the small sized panties are for little girls. I noticed that first in a down town store here, the female clerk appalled by a sex related question, yet she was selling red crotch less panties too small for me. you didn't even care about my panties, you did not care about me, yet you fucked me beautifully against that tree, on the blanket in the bushes, in the car, kind of wherever we were that moment.as long as there were no people around. you were afraid of people. not quite shimmering in the far distant i see a mountain top, it took me hours of lonely rock to get there,.rock and ice. one tiny purple flower blooming in that big world. If i had to look at all the flowers that i saw in vancouver, so closely, i would be there for a life time, and then all the faces. of all the people. in vancouver people look at eachother, do whitehorse people know that? in whitehorse people do not look at eachother on the street. and i here, all day long, my gardening consist of keeping the wilderness at bay, where i know that many yukoners actually  do get around growing things. did i write how you made love to me? how i loved it and then i thought, being fooled by society, that we actually had to be friends, that we could hold hands. I felt it the first time we held hands, you pulled away gently, subtle. I should have realized there and then that i was quite happy, the wild woods on fire. why did i want a garden that actually grows roses. when i knew you were lily , the tiniest lily, a tofildia. winter on it's way i know that the first green i will see after winter is the green blades of that lily. hesitating were to post this, can i talk about your cock, no better not. I know that i do have one friend with whom i can discuss penisses, a female friend at that. i  was very old before i discovered these treasures. we knew that  the scramble up the scree would take two hours, and with that in mind, one step at the time, slowly, deliberately, for me it is still my lungs that keep me in check , or my heart?  which is it breathing or beating? 2 hours later, i can pull my self up on big boulders, and there she is, vaguely but distinctively. what is the difference by being carried to the top in the gondola, or not. a garden and a wilderness, girls becoming women, women being little girls. you and me, there or here, your place or mine? there is no question. you are gone, so suddenly, half a world away. 

1 comment:

christopher said...

Wow. That was amazing, sweetheart. I love your Dutch girl mind. I miss those times when we would speak and all that. Skype does not mix with this computer very well so we would have to plan so I could be up and running at the right time.