Sunday, June 10, 2012

just..ehhh.. experimental writing.. yeah

look at the evening light. more golden and softer, when we experience harshness in our relationships, maybe we look at it in bright sunlight. the sun too high in the sky. let that sun come down a bit. or sleep well and wake up early, with dew from the lightest frost sparkling. i speak to people. as a writer i was working on writing dialogue, i realized, what i already knew,i don't listen very well, i can't recall what they said. I can still hear him, the sound of him in the background when his wife gets him on the phone, but the words are gone. at another conversation today, i can still feel my heart jump because i am so happy he phones, and i remember what he said but not the words. i hear the the birds, it's woodpeckers i think,teeteeteeteetee. was that it? it's silent now. the evening sun shining straight through the window lighting up my face.
someone was wondering how to make real friends.
"squeal" who was that?
someone,  was observing how this certain person is always negative. no these are my words, i would say that.
she said it different. i couldn't get a word in, i wondered if maybe people start swearing at us , because we do not listen to sweet whispers of evening sun rays.
i believe what we don't like in someone else, has more to do with ourselves, but how do i break the circle?
the squealer keeps squealing.
lately people start something with me, but don't finish, "later", but when's later? now here the night doesn't really get dark anymore.
do i have to be accommodating, or shall i tell them when the sun is so hot it makes my naked skin moist in the folds of my breast, is it then that i have to say; that's it, no more sweating with you, ever. Or shall we just lay strangled, in the winter when the wood stove burns too hot, or in the heat of the midday sun, when everybody is working or being productive, or having a late lunch or making phonecalls or shopping, rushing because we want..... what do you want? when i experience something i do not like, i now will try to let it soften and turn golden, yes and while waiting for that i lay in your arms on a beach, sand sticking to us. I do believe that men just should listen to me.


christopher said...

Jozien, I love this. I hear you in it and yet there is a new shine to your words that touches me. You are a long time friend of mine now. Here is the mind that leads your love. Here is why I have remained your friend across all the miles between us.

hdt said...

Your writing has so many complexities.

Are there confusing frustrations associated with emotional attachments?