Yes i was born with a certain anxiety :) yet i don't think i really became aware of it when i was till later in life. But now here feeling anxious, lightly, not extreme or debilitating, but just wanting to crawl back in bed, which i sometimes do when i feel like this. Yesterday i just laid on the couch for a few minutes, to work through it. Now i just sit behind the computer. Both will work.
But what i find baffling, is that i still get it. I get it when i have an agenda, like people visiting or having to do things.
So much for awareness.
And i get it that some people are not interested to meditation. As i am meditating these days with impermanence. I find it quite overwhelming that everything i touch something ended for that. my coffee, a wilderness was burned down to make room for my morning coffee. it is a heavy load.
Yet i would say meditation made me more content then ever, made it quite easy for me to work through things like my anxiety.
Two things related to that in this time in my life . I also believe that everything i experience in my body starts as an emotion, and emotions start in thinking. something like that, you out there might be able to explain better.
The first thing; my eyes water a lot when i am outside. And looking at in the Louise L. Hay way. Does that mean i have to cry more, i have to cry when sad?
A second thing. My night time dreams. I dream a lot and like to get into a lucid dream. This lucidity i cannot really make it happen. But the dreams i have recently, it is not that i am lucid, but scary things end up good, like i am hanging of a cliff and miraculously i pull myself up on top.
Now i have read that people in the Holocaust would dream of luscious meals. So am i getting more lucid in my dreams able to confront my demons ( the Jung way i think). Or is this impermanence, the fears related to that, getting to me and like people who are starving, i dream of the opposite.
See how i make myself very busy when not!
Today i will bring a turkey i was gifted, to a neighbour, they will cook it , and sunday evening we will go there to enjoy it with them.
And today i will meet friends on the Kusawa road to go for a hike.
Yetsterday i walked with a neighbour to the cave north of here.
Hiking, walking, eating, sleeping, computer, and a lot of thinking that is what makes me busy.
And oh yes when i am with people other then my dear husband, always a lot of laughter.
2 comments:
I think we are all living in some anxiety inducing times. It is due to our awareness, I suppose, about all the things that are happening in the world. We can no longer be blissfully unaware and the awareness produces anxiety in us. About change, about the impact we have on the world and the impact the world has on us.
That's very generous of you to share the turkey you were gifted with your neighbor. I hope you have a wonderful weekend enjoying the company of friends and laughter.
I view anxiety as a gateway...a door to insights that can, if we delve deeply, illuminate parts of ourselves that add to our appreciation of who we are.
I enjoy navel-gazing, sometimes prompted by anxiety. I don't think of it as busyness, but as a way to expand my spectrum of consciousness.
Meditation is limited by one's capacity to imagine. Through meditation you can only manifest what your mind imagines. But by thinking and exploring emotions, especially in conjunction with new experiences, we can continue to develop in a practical way that can enhance our day-to-day reality.
This is, of course, part of the purpose of meditation, but by considering anxiety you take a pro-active approach...rather than merely sitting and following a dogmaticly dictated activity that is, as I've said, limited by your mind's understanding/interpretation of the "teaching."
Think for yourself. Think deeply....and enjoy the process.
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