My relationship with food

I am the only skinny one from a family of six. I do wonder what went on. How did i get so, i call it, lucky?

I am reading a book by Geneen Roth. I found it in our neighbourhood's free store. Our free store is, a floor, three walls and a roof. At the moment it is better then any bookstore or library can be, such is the quality of reading material.

Geneen writes about food in a way that helps me a lot. I am familiar with her meditation/inquiry suggestions. But again it was surprising how her suggestions let me to see something i had never realized.

First i am  mostly a permitter!  Geneen suggest we are either a permitter or a restrictor .  My inquire brought me to the fact that i was raised to NOT listen to my body when it came to food. Hungry was not a thing because we had not lived through a famine, we had no right to be hungry. And my mom quite gently really always made me wait to eat, i was always ravenous, she let me cheat, but really the big rule was to wait for the others.

And hence with my permitter tendency i  eat whatever i like whenever. And yes for some reason i like to eat wild stuff and healthy food. lucky again? who knows. And i realize now that really i can go without food quite easily and NOW that makes sense i have never listened to my body when it comes to food.

For years i have been saying, that i don't like it that i snack so much, stuff my self during a meal and still snack right after. I have always said it is a miracle i am skinny.

So yes Geneen! Now i am scared that i will get skinnier, because reading your guide lines, to wait with eating till i feel hungry is very scary. I might not eat. Because i have learned at an early age that whatever i feel it is not hunger, so how do i know what that feels like.

I have always noticed that my eating habits are fuelled by trying to fill a gap. That is what Geneen is suggesting to find also through inquiry; what is the gap i am trying to fill? I suspect it has something to do with boredom...

 I don't know yet.

But what i do know that by  just feeling my body, before i eat,  has stopped me, form eating too fast and too much and it stopped me from snacking. Like now, at this moment, my gut still seems to be full up to my heart level. 

For coffee, i only drank one cup this morning, i just did not want another one after following Geneen's guidelines.

I am also scared, that when i listen to my body will i eat more junk food? Will i start wanting sugar again? This morning i did put butter on my porridge....

I am willing to try it out, i already feel i am going into the right direction, without  any sweat, no will power needed.

My husband we figured, is a restrictor. Yes he can stop cold turkey, he has proven that. He is skinny too.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out for him. depending how far he wants to go trying this out.