romantic relationships

 A confession here, i still find i do get mad at my husband too much. Every single day at least once. Just now it was about how he responds. I like to whine here a bit. Tell you how it is all his fault, while i am always trying my best.  I am thinking here now, when i really express my frustration, maybe i can figure it out. me doing here ( luckily mostly to myself , i have no idea if anyone reads my blog. I have been exploring other blogs, leaving comments, but i realize i have to either follow them or sign up for email notification, to actually see if what i comment creates  further communication. To me that is still my aim for blogging again. Back in the days, 2008 was it? A blog community appeared miraculously it never having been my intention. It was this morning that i got an email from an old friend and i realized it was her back in the day who said, Jozien it is ok if you just wander around in the woods for the rest of your life instead of going back to work , but  maybe you can share your adventures through writing, as it was in a time when blogging was hot, a blog turn out perfect for me.

Anyway back to the husband, one thing that bugs me about him, is that he always complains. Like me here now. ( i do  see the joke in this) But honest to God the way he complains, i think he is the champion.

So le me tell you about earlier this morning, right now he is outside, getting set up to shovel snow. Which is for him getting harder and harder. Even getting dressed in all his winter gear i have to help him, because he lost the use of one arm to arthritis. Anyway while he is still here in the house.

Wow this very moment, sitting up straight without crossed legs, I get up to look out of the window that faces the yard. He is shoveling snow with ATV, what a guy! I am very blessed to have him, the hard worker in him.

But back to earlier, he is complaining about shovelling snow, and has done so for a few months now, because well we know winter will be coming. I have always seen this is how he is, he starts complaining about something the minute after he accomplished it. Like he is happy now for two days ( if with the arthritis he can do it) shovelling snow. the 3 day imagine he be all done and all is beautiful to me, no he will start complaining about the next time. He used to work seasonally, when working he would complain about what needed to be done at home, when at home ( he would have 6 months off, being a seasonal worker, the whole six months he would complain about having to go back to work.

So he starts complaining about the ATV being in the back of the shop.

Whaoo! i make the back mistake of saying, maybe we could... He does not let me finish my sentence. You probably know already, i the problem solver, and he just wanting to be heard, like me here.

But i tell you i have tried i have tried on  many occasion for 30 years, to just let him talk, I tell you! it does not work for him. He will dig himself in deeper and deeper, because or so it seems i am not getting it, it is way worse then that and he will keep going  making it worse. When i started timing him in this, it would take him at least an hour before he stopped talking, with the only result that the next day it would be the same, snow will still fall kind of thing. no matter how hard we complain, every winter it does so, and moving to Hawaii is not option, that would be a two hour story of why not. one that i even believe. I do not want to move to Hawaii.

Maybe tomorrow i can tell you a bit of how i do sometimes deal  with it (or not deal with it) in ways that are more harmonious for me.  Not for him I swear he just flipping loves complaining!

But i did not finish this mornings argument. So he interrupted me by saying; No that is not possible ( remember i had not said what my solution was. But then i get snotty. Because now he is talking about all the possibilities  that are not possible, he wants to explain why not. And here i won't let him, i start raising my voice, stop stop, if you do not want a solution please lett's not talk about.

etc etc you get the drift at the end i walk away to fold laundry and he call me to help him get dressed.

All is well in the world of romantic relationships.

I hope yours too!

I know harmony is possible for many, i do see examples of it in family and friends.

 

Two deer in the yard

 At the onset of dusk, my husband spotted a deer right in front of the window, we turned of the light and watched them. We can always see how they respond to any movement or sound from us, so we move slowly and quietly. But by the lifting their head with ears up, we know they are  already aware of us. They seemed to be eating the big rosehips from the white rose, and from the saskatoon berry and gooseberry bushes. They move very slow every move predictable. And in the dim light when they do not move you hardly see them. I predict they will go to the raspberry bushes which have lots of  big dried leaves. In previous years we have seen them there many times. Not today, maybe they leave that for another day.

As i am from an era of positive thinking, affirmations etc. I  often, when aware of discomfort (the weird comments here)  If i catch it in the moment, the feeling of it, I start off with acknowledging  my feelings, of discomfort this time. I do now   think the deer knew this :), as they arrive in perfect time, because after this acknowledgement, i will shift my focus to something i am grateful for. For me that is often the blue sky or birdsong or the way the light falls on some thing. At night i do love the soft embrace of  the dark.  But today as on que the deer appear.

For me living this close to nature, using the outhouse in the morning, our morning walks, our afternoon adventures. Always always instantly engulfs me with joy.

How bad is it?

 Ah  early this morning i was a bit rattled by the ghost commenter. ( is there a word for that?)

And so really the topic i had in mind for today, arises with more urgency. So thank you anonymous.

How bad is it? This could apply to lots of things, but i here am thinking in the lines of personal suffering. Do i suffer because of this lengthy comment from an anonymous writer? Not really, just rattled a bit. and i choose to use it as an opportunity. Till i guess it becomes a problem for me, and then i know there are ways to avoid such comments.

This an easy one, grateful to  be here

 But I am sure there are people suffering deeply, due to situations that really matter. and always i think that is were our focus should be, when trying to eliminate suffering.

And not  for example giving everybody a rebate, incl. me who does not need it. Because i live in a wealthy country were it is obviously possible to give everybody a rebate, instead of helping the people who need it. ( more on this rebate later) How odd to think that we help the people that are suffering, by giving the same help to everybody.

Anyway yesterday i happened to meet a lovely person from a minority group who comes from a country in which according to the media, that does not like this minority group. 

I asked how that was living it, The first response was yes it is all true. Second i asked  but how is it for you what is your experience? Oh no all fine! No bad experiences at all.

I get that response  most of the time when i ask in similar ways.

Mostly everybody is always fine it is others that suffer, no no i am not suffering but what about the others?

About the rebate i receive due to rising energy price, here in the Yukon we get a 50 dollar rebate on our monthly electricity bill.  Now my bill is only 40 dollars on average, so i am being paid ten dollars a month. Yes i admit i am not complaining to the giver, and receive gratefully.

In the rebate case, i have been thinking how as a society can we help the people who really need it.

not that simple.

speaking my truth

 I guess that is what i am trying to do here.

It does not have to be your truth, but surely it might not be the truth of the masses, in my case.

Recently i was reading about mass formation. Back in the days of Harry Potter, i was kind of astonished how it seemed to me that we all loved Harry Potter. I found that exciting, but also kind of odd. I had been enjoying dancing in a big group when a teenager, but besides that i always feel i am not much interested in mass events. But there i was lining up for the first Harry Potter movie.

One person that talks about this mass formation is Mattias Desmet. He suggest that it is important in these 'odd' ( my word) times we all speak our truth. I have been feeling to do this for a years, ha! i am finally here. And he does suggest that the voice that is not inline with the mass, will get stronger due to the masses. I love it, because for a few months now i am meditating every day on compassion. In my case on the fact that we/everything all give and receive. We All exist that way, the impossibility of standing on our own, the paradox, that recognizing this for me, is that we/everything is unique in it's own way.

It is kind of cool to think of it that i am finally blogging again, because i feel that i was for a few years at odds with the covid-19 thing. As that is kind of subsiding, people do not discriminate me anymore for my choices. Now the topic seems to be climate change.

Tomorrow i will write about how i am at odds with this climate change hype. It is not that i deny climate change, it is quite different, Same as in the beginning of covid-19 I was put on a heap with  deniers of covid,  and later with anti-vaccers. I found it quite humorous that i was supposed to be just needing to be convinced of the Truth, that my stand was somehow ignorant, and I needed to be educated.  All signs of this mass formation i suppose.

When dancing with a big group of people, hmm what about the one that stands still? or too drunk, come to mind.

health care

 On CBC Yukon, this morning they talked about the nurses shortage and the teacher shortage in the Territory. 

The only solution they talk about is how to recruit more.

To me, really? is that a solution? For all i know we have more nurses and more teachers per capita then in most places of the world.

What always comes to my mind is, are we still living in an era of slave drivers?

We need more nurses, f! the rest of Canada or world, we have more money so we can buy more...

My solution  is, let us live healthier, needing less care.

And have a lifestyle that promotes healing.

 And  live less long. In the Whitehorse Star  yesterday they wrote about going into a dementia boom.  I hope to die before dementia sets in. So i hope that at one point i can say with my family, let me go, do not put me on medication. What does common opinion say? blood thinners, prevent stroke which means you have more quality of life,  I always think how do they figure that? So yes one can still walk without aid, but now one will eventually get dementia.

The live less long is difficult i think, but  living healthier. Should be possible.

 a lifestyle that promotes healing, .

I am very blessed that that is possible to me,

My back is almost all good again. So i am off for our morning walk

Snow and quite cold, brrr so it is a bit of a.. thing, having to push ourselves a little harder, but as it is our routine for many years, the body/mind does help me, the body/mind wanting to go out . And it is actually Don this time who is putting his boots on first.

I find this habit thing always quite interesting, how we are so stuck in/ or helped by our habits.

 Shadhala! 'sunny mountain', hoping for a glimpse for you too.

Lower back pain

 Dear oh dear why am i beating up on myself these days? Going from one little thing to the next.

And having a hiking day again that  i do not want to cancel. 

I always preach, take care of your body, give it rest. But it is hard to do that. I won't take medication that is for sure. We do not have pills of any kind in the house for many many years. I found a little bottle of advil years ago, but as it was outdated in 2014 or something, i disposed of it.

While canoeing upstreaming i tried a new move to relieve my shoulders a bit and work more from the core, oops, not good, i felt it go.  Not doing that twist again i was good all day, but felt it in the morning. And now it is still sore3 days later.

Not bad though, sure i can hike,  but what is it telling me? loving my lower back left side I will now here ask; 'dear dear what are you telling me', thanking it ( as my yoga teacher taught me). The left so 'they' say my feminine side, the back  being support. What comes to me; "it is safe to stand straight up, my environment will support me when i choose to stand tall. But i can do it on my own, no worries."

Loving me. Looking after my back with loving care, keeping it warm , supporting it and not forcing it. I will let you know how i do today:)

 I will finish the writing of the  hike that day, on the previous post.

But one more thing, I wonder how that is for other people. I did not tell my partner about the slight sprain, i told her two days after. i did stop the move, but i did not  ask  if we could beach the canoe for a bit, and give it a rest right then and there.

I am learning to listen.

Wildside lake, with continuation no 1

 Yesterday i finally did a big outing again.  An adventure of kind, pioneering a route to a no name lake. We called  it Wildside Lake, we got there following Sunset  ridge, and climbing over Happy hill. Ahh we forgot to name the lovely creek.

I left the house at 8.30 am, at daybreak.  My friend had the canoe already packed, and i am sure by 9 o'clock we were in the water. Takhini river. from Mendenhall landing we paddled upstream. The river high, but hugging the western shore we made good progress, a few kilometers in we ferried across and  pulled the canoe on shore. My friend had explored this route before, but had not made it as far as the lake.

The dark spruce forest , mossy floor is open enough to hike through,  we come out by the creek on the south side, and see there is a big high clay bank typical of the landscape here, on the northwest side of the creek.  It doesn't look like it is very long. But  we do decide to climb up it, to walk on top of ridge is always easier then navigating close to a wild creek. It was a good choice  and on the way back we named it sunset hill, as we made it back on it  just in time for sunset, probably around 6 pm.

to be continued

 Sunset ridge slowly  turns into forest floor. In this spruce forest we had started seeing some pine trees, Pinus latifolia, and  later some giant aspen (Populus tremuloides) . we follow the animal trail that came from the ridge. Suddenly we start seeing a lot of fallen trees we have to climb over, mostly poplars (the aspen) Big trees, and as we come closer to the creek, we will see they have been fallen by beaver, a little beaver dam  but these beaver certainly use big trees for their winter food supply.

We follow the beaver ponds in the creek, but as we have to cross the creek  again eventually, we use an opportunity when one presents it self, where the creek is nice and deep but not very wide.

( Are beaver ponds 'in' a creek, it does not seem the right preposition. ??)

reading and listening

 and then  being able to say, i was wrong.

Do i do that?

That is on my mind this morning, everyday this week i listen to the news about a sexual abuse case at a local school. When the pope was here i listened to that.

I do not know Scott Shephard, but on the radio this morning he spoke clearly and kept saying: we made mistakes, we made mistakes on all levels, we all feel, etc I do not have the memory to recall his eexact words, but it was certainly 'we" and 'mistakes'.

Back when the pope was in Canada i listened for something like it, when our minister of education was on i listened for that.

For me it is very important to hear that.

I believe in awareness

Why is it so hard to say:. I did wrong. Are the people who do not, are not aware? I don't know

I do search my own self. Because ever so often i do have a wake up call. Like just yesterday  while cutting wood in our most beautiful forest, bucking up trees that have been blown over in the past few years, spruce still somewhat green, and old poplars, having been standing dead before they fell.

 In my husband it annoys me how he when i ask him a question  say yes when he does not know the answer. As my wood cutter ( a dear long-time lady friend) and i talk while sitting on a log servicing the saw. I realized I did the bloody same thing. I did not get what she was saying, and not to stop the conversation i said yes, only later realizing my mistake. How annoying!

And here now, haha I was wrong! i did not understand her fully but knew somewhere that the answer was no, yet i said yes.

health

Me with my over indulgence on sleep, i realized how can i actually even say that i am quite healthy?

Yet i am happy to say that i do walk at least 300 minutes per week. A friend of mine who is a doctor in South America, said that is the first thing she tells her patients. No pills are given before that. And she also first works on making small changes to their diet.  Such are her prescriptions initially.

I wonder how doctors are here?

 But i also realized how does say 300 min so easily, lots of steps, and the diet in  few small steps. She maybe said it that way, because she and i walk a lot and feel a half an hour a day is possible for every one. Where as to change your diet is harder. 

For me that is certainly true. Yet i haven't been on a big hike for too long a time, at least several weeks.

 It just happens that way. 

So many things to take note of, that is my complaint being in my sixties. 50 ish was celebration, now in my 60ish I find myself very busy with staying healthy. today already a busy day ahead

And looking out, lots of snow on the mountains, but none here in the woods, so a good day for cutting wood. My partner in crime will be here at eleven and before that i still have to do an hours walk with my husband.

Hasta la Vista!

different opinions

 Still dark out, wet, snow gone again.

I had a good sleep after the disturbed sleep of the night before, so now i slept from 8 pm till 6.30 am woke up one around 2.30 to go to the bathroom, but fell asleep again instantly, had lots of beautiful dreams anyway.

So yes my sleep habit, i do not like it.

But i do like my opinions, but more and more i am aware of how outlandish my opinions are. Or of course i really think other peoples opinions are the ones outlandish. 

And that is also why i write again, about my opinions this time, because i find in every conversation i have, there is some discord, some really black and white, good and bad. 

I am not ready to give examples, i do not want to put my friends on the spot. haha it is probably me on the spot.

So here in this little writings every morning, i will just give my view of things, and i do hope you will either agree or oppose. both are equally welcome. Or best of course, in my opinion, when we can be totally open and acceptive of eachother.....

ha! i do not even know

(sit up straight! that is still very hard to remember)

but what i was trying to say, i do not even know if someone is even reading my blog, maybe i have to built up a network again.

maybe that is what i do after breakfast ( porridge; organic oats, a variety of wild berries, yarrow, spruce nuts, orange peel flour) chaga and coffee.

See you there!

Healthy Living 2

 I do believe in getting a good sleep. 

I am over doing it a bit in that department. It is the one thing i have tried to overcome, my need for too much sleep. If you have a suggestion how to get by with less, i am game.

What is too much sleep to me? Well these days i probably sleep 10 hours a night.

 A bit much right? 

But when i listen to people getting sick, i do wonder if i am spared lots because i do sleep it off every single night.

Like i did not have a flu or cold in the last 3 years. I would at the first sign of a sniffle, drink lots of water and sleep extra sleep. Yes more then my 10 hours. And always in one day  the sniffle or cough or headache or whatever symptom would pass within a day.

Getting older i do find i do sleep lighter, but as i do not have to go to work in the morning, nobody to look after. If i  had  a unusual lucid night, I will just sleep in a bit.

 Oops sitting up straight, i forgot, but at least i did not cross my legs

Yesterday i did see an Elk, i followed it's track in the snow. The lake was still half open water and there were 4 ducks! 3 Barrow's Golden-eyes and 1 Buffle-head

healthy living

What works for me.

 As i am typing this, i try to remain upright,  shoulders back, chin in, and sitting straight up on the front of my chair. 

Legs not crossed.

I nibble on a Yukon grown carrot.

I was already outside this morning, clearing the cars of snow and hauling firewood for half an hour.

The wild place aspect, the drive way and road close by where covered in elk tracks, nibbling on the vegetation along the road,  they ate my snap dragons, and seemed to like the Lepidium ( a weed, that i harvest for it's seeds)

ha, my posture! i was sloughing again.  I, 62 years old! Finally figured out that i breath easier when i have correct posture. I always believed that i had some sort of default which made me breath through my mouth. Not so, it is posture.

Same for my varicose veins,  weak ankles, balance i am finally working on those things.

This topic is so huge, maybe i should have started out with the fact that i am considered fit, and do not take medication.

 Maybe i will write a bit on the topic for the next few weeks. 

I want to keep it short, because i do not think computer time is very healthy.

 I am going to help my husband, who is changing tires, and depending on the help he does or does not need, i will go for a walk to the lake, to see if there are any ducks,

There were no ducks  in the last few weeks, i did  here swans overhead  lately,  migrating south.

Hope to see you here!

 

nest time

 I have been thinking of writing on my blog again forever, but as the weather remains very warm here, it will have to wait, because i rather spend outdoors, and choosing to have only a PC, outdoor typing is not an option. 

Today we woke up to plus 12 Celsius or so, with no wind and sun, i suspect we will set a record for Oct 8.