Pondering

I said, to be continued, last time here,

more later, was what it was, i think.

It seemed so clear back then,
if i was on the verge of clarity.

Always always clarity seems to shift, i watch when i am aware, but what is this awareness?
somedays just saying, ha this is me, i am an observing being
other days the glory of it
but often i forget what it really means
or truly, i have no idea what it really means

It seems when putting words to it it changes it
of course inherently nothing ever changes

But there was a change!  Don asked me to a party, yes married 20 years i don't think it ever happened... where he was just able to say, "do you like to go to this party with me tonight?"
so i said yes, just for the sake of it. Often i can feel quite insecure at parties where i don't know anyone. Not this night. It was lovely, not in the sense that i had a great time, or that it was exceptionally fantastic in the way of a party. it was actually a typical party where i would have felt uncomfortable., for at least some of the time. Not this night.

That is a subtle change right?

The two writers on the subject of self inquiry, that i recently read. State that our thoughts appear from nothingness
And when you look for it they do
but to me they don't
Another book by yet another con-artist, 'Blink'. I say con artist, i don't think Papaji is but Michael Singer is and so is the writer of  Blink. Nevertheless they make valuable points.

And you probably call me names. What comes out anybodies mouth is often very contradictionary, never the less our thought, they more so, i have watch recently.

The point is, as i said a few days ago. At any point thoughts come to our mind,  maybe  seemingly out of nothing. But most of them are put in there by myself in some form.

Only once in a while i have totally random thoughts, more often pictures, asin lots of dreams, things that seem not to be part of my own experience.

I think this is all very well know by all of you, i am not speaking rocket science here.

Yet i think it is essential

I don't know how, that's All
 In the same way as; Why was i born with this body, to the parents i did, at the place i did, in the way i did.

I don't know all that!

Yes, i made choices that put me here now in this moment, typing. but how and why really?

Ahhh listening to the music of the movie Don is watching, i am choosing now to join him

tada and toodeloo