birthday parties

stonycreek mountains, June 26 2012

First, thanks so much Christopher and Brian!!!

Maybe i have always said, that i am easily depressed, but know it feels i never really knew that i actually am.

In the 2nd group session, i was annoyed and at the same time pleasantly surprised that the other group members were actually quite happy and definitely interesting beautiful people, very much like myself.

Now i don't really think that i wish i had known earlier, like if i had knew, and worked on this before, how beautiful my life could have been, haha my life was/is beautiful. I do feel a little sad for the people that are/were around me. I could have been more loving. 

So that will be one of my goals , we have to set next week.

This week is about knowing what depression is.

And making a list of what i enjoyed in the past and not anymore. In the past few days, i came up with the fact that is not so much i don't enjoy the things i do, because i do, but the starting of them. Now after two days of practicing Astra's suggestion, i actually know there is a ton of things i didn't do anymore because i thought i didn't enjoy them anyway..... Haha it is a little overwhelming... And now that was one of the things bothering me, that i was so easily overwhelmed. go figure.

Actually what opens up now in my mind is , that i can actually enjoy anything, when i put my mind to it.

Do you know what i mean. That what i always know, that every moment in life is a new opening to infinite possible. 

It is much grander then i ever realized.

.

ptarmigan eggs, June 26 2012

Over the last few days i have been very succesful in just doing things that first enter my mind. It was very tiring to push my self all the time. But i did spend way less time dwelling in that state of mind i do not like, and 'curling up'. As my life always full of miracles, as a miracle my dear friend Alice showed up at a point were i was wanting to give up. And in the evening i went to a birthday party. "I hate birthday parties" ofcourse it turned out enjoyable way beyond my expectations. Thanks Jay and Kathi!

I still slept 9 hours after. (one of my goals is to need less sleep) but still i feel i am getting somewhere.