Bohemian Waxwings

I guess, i would feel special
if i was called bohemian
well, it has to be in print
but really, i do wonder
because today
it is the birds
who raise me to pure bliss
they gather in great flocks
and sweep past all
to specifically sweep down to me
they lift me gently of my feet
i am flying
held up by feathery wings
surrounded by sweet song
taken to a magic forest
the trees a gift particulary for me
you can enjoy their joyfull twitter
or stand in awe among the gnarly trees
but you will never know
today it was all orchestered for me
now, that's what i call bliss
to be the birds' beloved
the queen of ancient trees
to realize that i am special
while no one knows
well, now, just you and me

Plato (on the flu-shot)

I never read Plato, but here i am reading a book by Saul Bellow. He says something about Plato that caught my attention, specifically because I am reading it exactly today.
I don't even know if this Saul Bellow is a well known writer. It's just that when i was hauling water last week, i picked the book out for it's title, in the Mendenhall free-store, which is beside the community well. (Our community only 40 or so people, it be interesting to find out, who read the book before me).

Anyway on this day, there were 3 people who advised me on going to get the flu shot, after they have stood in line for 3 hours to get one.
I am really wondering about this 'rage'. I used the same comment on all 3, "I haven't had a flu for 15 years". Of course that doesn't convince them, that i don't need this shot, and they explain it to me.

Honestly i don't know what to think of all this, but i do believe Plato might be on my side of the argument. If you know Plato or Freud (which i did read, but very long time ago)
Saul Bellow writes: "The angels failing, the physicians take over, as Plato foretold in the 'Symposium'. Love is replaced by Health, and Health is obtained by anatomical means. Freud himself writes the prescription, 'penis normalis, dosim, Then as pharmacology follows medicine, we shoot ourselves full of drugs....... etc"

Now i am a little worried that by not taking this shot, while everybody else does, i might just get that flu. But also i am worried for you who does take it.
En masse.
So in the end, to me , it doesn't matter one way or the other.

So, what is this all about?
I myself am not immune to these 'en masse' things of this era. For years i thought Brad Pitt was the most handsome man on the planet, along with many, many other woman, and i did read all the Harry Potter books, and i probably have caught many other 'flues' that sweep through our society.

Please, i am very interested, what you think?

my own....

Skin :) Right now it is snowing. Covering the ground fast.
An i am glad i did go skating this morning. The ice was a little rippled, but good to skate on.
I didn't get any good pictures, and nothing out of the ordinary happened.
So i figured i might as well post a picture of my self.
Which is an interesting thing to do.
How much is one wanting to share of oneself on-line?
I am not very shy in general, but....
Hey, it doesn't look like me at all, anyway!
It's snowing heavier now.
Beside skating for an hour, i was painting today. See the new photo in the right hand column, they are Christmas tree decorations (5"/13cm long).
to sell in the craft sales i am planning to attend.
It's a white world out there.

Mendenhall River

Yesterday in the late afternoon i walk South.
It has been snowing today, but now the sun is trying to come out, peeking through big gray clouds. The mountains surrounded by white clouds, as in above them, underneath them and pouring out of them. I cross the highway and take my last year's ski trail. As a ski trail it was easy to find. Now i have to really watch where i am going.( i did hang some flagging here and there:) This is a dark forest, sinking deep in the moss, deep cracks in the soil, which will fill up with snow. Of and on my trail follows animal trails, which are now obvious, but weren't last winter. Here and there i recognize a friend, a familiar tree and find my way that way. And all the woodpeckers living here help me. Only at the end i totally loose the trail in an open uniform poplar forest. But then i come out by the meadow any way.
The meadow looks very wet. But stepping onto it it is rather frozen, only puddles around the grass. When it froze the water was quite high. I follow the ice and go around dark spots in the ice. Where it appears that there are channels made by the muskrats, just underneath the surface. There are several muskrat push ups (i don't know if that is the correct terminology) surrounded by open water.
Climbing over the heavily forested levee.
There is the river!




You see the river is wide open. flowing with clear water. In summer the river is always muddy. As you see the river did try to freeze already the water being much lower now.
The swan feather is frozen into the ice in the meadow.
When i walk back, the sun is setting gloriously. And i walk through the dark forest in dusk. Which... makes for a great Halloween setting:)
Honestly there is no bone in me that is scared, though. Hmmmm i am scared of other
things in life, probably ones that you laugh about....

my two ravens

My sale yesterday went quite well. And it definitely inspired me to do more paintings. As i get my self ready this morning to do another one. One in the series that i didn't name yet. I paint about how i see the ideal love relationship. :) Nude.(any suggestion for a name are welcome, i don't name every single painting, just naming a series. I have: 'flowers, mountains and the sky', 'my own skin', 'ice', and this relationship one, which is typically, that i don't have a name yet)

As i do the dishes, out of kitchen window i watch these Raven for a half hour at least. What a beautiful image for what i see as true love. Before i start taking pictures, it's actually the bird on the right that sits hunched down and receives the loving. But when i spotted them first i went: "oh my God, there is my two ravens kissing.




hmmm 5 pictures. i know that's where i am hard to love, because as in love too, i will state one thing and flow on to the next, not always taking into account the ones who love me. As here on blog i recently stated that i always like to do one picture per post, well here you go. FIVE. And it is all very plausible to me.

pink light

I don't want to keep complaining here, but i still didn't find my bearings yet. I found when i started blogging, the first year or so, it was all straight as an arrow. I knew exactly what to do and what to write. Reading Christopher's poem, i know he is right. I am in a curve, trying to find my direction.
The light was beautiful tonight!!! Everything in a pinkish glow, how much that does for a bleak world!
Earlier i went for a long stroll. See i am not even walking, not to imagine hiking, just strolling through the woods. wonderfully. Some trees had blown over, maybe last night. And as strolling doesn't get me very far, i was at Moose Skull Lake again. And the ice! it's smooth like glass and very slippy now with a film of water on it.It's not going to be totally clear, more like smoky glass. I also climbed the hill here to the East and for my longing for a straight arrow, this poem came to me.:)


THE WIND THE SUN
as i climb upon the rocks
where the old shore line used to be
i feel you beckoning me
the yellow grass rippling
my body quivers
if i listen
i can hear long ago
the water splashing against the shore
turning stone into sand
once again i am soft clay

Dream

Ahh i lived through that dreary day yesterday, in the evening the wind started blowing and in the night i woke up from rain pelting down on the roof. Not just, something is better than nothing, but i love wild weather. The wind on my skin;
“bien dans sa peau”
And this morning the neatest thing happened, as i was reading Laurel's comment at my last post, i remembered my dream i had last night.

Yesterday on - that day -, i had a nap, and i already had, another, amazing dream. Dream: At one point i came to this pond, which was very colorful, as in deep dark blues, greens and yellows, because of vegetation under the surface. I dove in the pond flying over the weedy parts and diving in the dark deep blue, flying out again and diving in again. The way dreams are there was much more to it. There was a big river, i couldn't cross, because the bridge broke open, bears swimming in the water, high rise buildings and an aspect of loneliness.
Last night's dream was equally amazing, and i only remembered it vaguely after reading Laurel's words.(thanks Laurel). Dream: I delivered a baby, by myself, squatting, thinking; oh, the second one is easy. (in real life, i gave birth to one (Alexander) and went through natural, but very painful, labor) In my dream the baby was healthy and all, but there my dream disappears from my memory. hmmmm now what does that all mean?

too many needles in the forest

where's the beauty and the love
where's that Yukon splendour
really, you tell me
i go through motions
things needing to be done
the sky monotonous gray
the land no single color
it's not even crisp and cold
i know
no one said it all be easy
nobody promised it'll be fair
like a mother's warning:
watch me
he'll be nothing but trouble
when did i ever listen
drawn to the wild
my glorious mountain
who dared to tell me
i could not climb it
i wish i had curtains
to draw them shut
keep it all out
thinking i would be dancing
all the way to the top
i bring in the wood
not warming me
i haul the water
no refreshment
this life in the bush
well
it did take me 20 years
to have a day like this

ice quality

A sunny day. After a few days of melting, it is freezing again.
The snow melted on top of the ice at Moose Skull Lake, and the ice for skating, went from clear to opaque. Now when it keeps freezing, still very good to skate on. Today i just follow the animal tracks on the side, walking.

And i look a the shapes in the ice.

The incoming creek, which i guess i could call Moose skull creek, is still flowing under the ice, it will be totally frozen soon. I don't know if there will be any flow left eventually. I think the lake freezes solid too, there are no fish in this lake, which is an indicator.

Darryl again

Hi, i just wanted to let you know, that a friend of Darryl put up a beautiful website, here is the link. It sounds like Darryl is improving, he can still use all the prayers we can give!

Somehow i cannot make a link again, the website is
http://www.pullthroughdarryl.com

and in the meantime i try to make a link for you, so you can just click on the blue/gray letters and be there.
We All Believe In You Darryl
yes!

Fairy Falls

I keep thinking about Darryl.
I don't know his family or friends well enough to contact them on how he is doing.
So i checked the Internet again. And found the circumpolar blog from a man named George.
But somehow it was very hard for me to leave him a comment, or after probably confusing my computer, to even get back the post George left about Darryl.
You know me, i sometimes do end up, where i feel totally inadequate working the computer.
Thinking of Darryl, my struggle here very insignificant to his.
And to Darryl i say: Miracles happen!!! You know that, right?

I did see Darryl before, i realize after reading George's blog. He is this great kid!
I have seen him snowboarding. (his accident was with the snowmobile).
Talking guilt. I just said to someone, i am not much into that, erroneously so.
Like now i realize, when bad things happen to people, i go back at what i could have done different. Which i realize is totally useless, i guess. But i just want to say it here.
Darryl could have smiled at me, that day i talk about in my last post, because he recognized me. If, if i only had recognized him too, things would have been different.
And that is true, right? In a way. How? See, i can't figure it out.
Right now my thoughts are spinning. And i know the answer is simple. What at the end is this life all about?????

for Darryl Tait

Hang in there kid!!!
I met you once, i think. It was you right, laughing happily?
It was one of those change meetings, where i was left with a feeling; who was that neat kid.
Darryl appeared in my yard one day, a few weeks ago, with a bunch of kids (these are young adults really, sorry) Alexander was not home, so i talked to them by the door. They introduced themselves, and it was you Darryl wasn't it, the gangly, cute, blond one? Then i didn't know you were a top sportsman. All i saw was this kid laughing happily, looking at me moving towards the trampoline with the tramp-bike on it.
I had the feeling you wanted to try it out. Did you? You have to tell me one day! And now i wish, i would have said something; like; "hey, go ahead". But i know what went through my head; "Jozien, those are not little kids that want to play with Alexander's toys." of course now i wish, i did say; hey, go ahead.
Darryl you don't really know me, and you don't have to answer this, or come to use the trampoline, but i sincerely hope you jump again, maybe not quite the way you did, but using your own legs, and jump a jump of joy, because you are totally able again!!!! All the very best! I will send you this by mail, i don't think you'll be reading my blog:) And through your sledding friends on the internet, i will keep track of your progress.
Hey thanks for having met you, even if it was briefly.
( Who ever does read this, Darryl is in the hospital now and i like to say, he can use any good thoughts we have, thanks)

taking risks

Early this morning the sky was still clear. The night skies have been incredible the last few days, clear and no, or only a little, moon. So it's been freezing, and 2inches of ice on the little lake (Moose-skull lake).
At dawn it starts snowing lightly, very quietly, then harder. It sounds like the blood rushing in your ears, that sound. Now quiet again every sound muffled and the world totally white, and bigger flakes.
Anyway so already early i rush to the lake, to skate, when the ice is still clear.
As you see it ain't.
I skate close to the shore. never do as i do, because ice good for skating has to be 4 inches thick. So i take risks, staying close to the shore, so at least i can climb out of this shallow lake. Skating fast enough, so i can glide over soft spots, 3x i hear ominous cracking, not like the big cracks, that happen because of the ice moving or freezing harder, those are safer than the ones i hear. Natural ice is never totally safe.
And of course not skating too fast, because i don't want to crash onto the ice :)

I think we all take risks. And my next post, which i will do right away, will be for Darryl Tait, who to us outsiders obviously is a risk taker.
I believe we all take risks, even if we choose not to take risks, their is a risk in just that, right? And i think, maybe erroneously, that i always know what i am doing, even if i don't quite know. And really we never know anyway. I am grateful for every day i'm alive.
I am sure, you all in a certain way agree, with me. I would like that very much, because....

flowers of frost

wet lips touching
hearts on fire
our bodies
being mostly water
let us freeze a bit
so that our sparkles
and our shine
are kept here
for a moment
in most elegant design

The ravine

Today i walk to the little ravine in the back here.
I have been there many times over the years, found it quite by accident.
Years back i made a trail towards it. At some places i can still see markers that Sue put on the ground. Our boys where still little, when we worked on this trail.
Mary laughed at me that i lost this trail again, so today i set out to mark it, again. The reason it's hard to find, because nobody but me, and maybe Sue knows it. Some trees have fallen over the trail.
First i even miss the ravine. Which really is never hard to find, once you know it, i was too focused on the trail.
The ravine is a wonderful place for boys to play and little animals to live, I find several dens with entrances full of droppings, rocks stained white from feces.
It's hard to take pictures, the light too bright and shade too dark. And it's overgrown and surrounded by big trees. From the top i see the lake, which is 3 quarters frozen again, I see the mountains turning whiter every day. I peer in the depths and descend, looking up from below i make this picture. It doesn't even show the height of the walls, some 30 feet at the deepest place. The narrowness, the steepness of the terrain inside, I wonder how it was when water was rushing through here.It doesn't show all the chickadees i met today and the large family of grouse, moving noisily from tree to tree when i was among them. It doesn't show very much at all, not even my mood.

Today i read this poem, that shows you that :)

Cancion

Murallas azules, olas,
del Africa, van y vienen.

Cuando van...
Ay, quien con ellas se fuera!

Ay,quien con ellas volviera!
Cuando vuelven...

by Rafael Alberti

Song

The waves, blue walls
of Africa, go and come back.

When they go...
Ah, to go with them!

Ah, to come back with them
when they come back...

view of the mountains

Today we had a low cloud coverage, then there was a stripe of blue sky right at eye level where the mountains are and then clouds spilled out of those mountains settling in the valley.
It was an ever changing sight. A sight to behold.

Now sitting here, i don't know how to trim the photos and if i should and i don't know which to post anyway. My goal always is; one photo per post.

Life is that way; i still believe (help me out if you know different), i can only be in one place at the time, and multi-tasking, which was never my thing, is out. That leaves one choice in every moment, out of infinite possibilities. (It's not fair, if like me at the moment, you feel you are not exactly where you want to be, but you can't be where you want to be without immense consequences, and i add, even if it would fall in place as you imagined, for one the fact that what ever you do, there is others involved, and i have learned, they have dreams of their own. Etc, etc.

Knowing all that, even if you can live with all those consequences, plus accepting the way others imagined it, and the etceteras, you are still going to be you. Ha and maybe that is my problem, there is still me, always me.

And these days i like to cheat a bit in life, like have my cake and eat it too.
Here i cheat too, and will post more pictures on my flickr account; je zon.

no snow

When you read this in Whitehorse. Note, this picture was taken yesterday morning. it only snowed here, considerably, that night. All sound surrounding me yesterday, was that of dripping, melting snow. (and the ravens and magpies crackling)
There is NO SNOW here now.
Oh i wish... i had a layer of snow, because last night the deer found my garden, nibbled some rosehips and ate half of my winter supply of kale. Now they know where it is the snow won't help, they will come again and dig for it if they need to.
Now what i can do is; harvest it all and put it in the fridge/freezer (what is best?)
Or just leave it, because i love the visitors. I might as well feed them, being a good host and such.

Snow

I got this note from Hetty once, today I picked it up out of a basket on the porch. I don’t know who wrote it, it is titled;
Refresh Your Resolution. Smile at Your Destiny.
“Rumi said, ours is not a caravan of despair. Trust his words. Believe him. Ours is not a caravan of despair. How could it be? We have entered the moonlit year, and it holds eternal spring. Remember, it’s so new. It’s so bright. It’s so transparent. It’s so tender, so caring, so mysterious. It’s delightful and promising. It sparkles meaningful to you. You maybe embarrassed about some of them, even if you never tell a soul. Therefore, it is very important to look at each resolution through the eye of the heart. Ask yourself, how does it go down? How does it sit inside? What is that deep feeling? Is it putting you at ease? Or is it creating havoc? Look at it from the eye of the heart. It will tell you the truth, yes the heart tells the truth.”


At around 1PM the sun came out. Even if I wish I couldn’t be contained in the house.
In a dress, stockings and a light sweater I set off towards my mountain. I drink lots of water before I go and only take my camera. These days I feel burdened by even a light pack.
The world is sparkling today, what did I say yesterday? Anyway then, I did not know what diamonds looked like. It all smells lemony and of decay, mmmmm.
I walk North, up hill my back to the Mountains in the South. Elfin Creek is full and flowing among golden brown leaves, red high-bush cranberries. I have another drink out of a black pool, brown leaves at the bottom.
The path through the swamp is springy mossy and grass puddles. On the path into the drumlins, it does start drizzling and I sit for a while under a big spruce.
Then I turn around, and see;
The sparkling lake, the dark forest a sky full of wild clouds and the solid white mountain tops.
It rained in Mendenhall yesterday, some wet snow, but apparently Whitehorse beat us to it; lots of snow.
Now I see my mountain that I am walking up, it is speckled with snow.
Ahhhhh beautiful.
I walk through the little dip before the foot of the mountain, carefully not to rub to many spruce branches they are full of water, which I lick from their tips.
Climbing up the rocks. In the bottom they are dry and sunny. Soon I come upon little rivelets among the boulders and over the bedrock. The moss brightened up in places that regularly get the run-off.
I have to watch my step going up the slabs of bedrock, it’s slippy on the wet , and soon turns even icy. In between the rock, the saxifrage and grass is covered in snow.On the top of the North side there is snow on the rocks. I sit and enjoy, the sky is constantly changing, clouds in the bright blue . A rain shower in the South East. And when a big gray one with a golden lining covers the sun I go down.
Soon walking into the sunlight again walking on a path of diamonds.

Brown

Brown

autumn in the bush
i step outside
a world of browns
on this rainy day
i forgot about brown
brown is a color to, you know
maybe i am a growing up?
no young child knows brown
at first
first they’ll know
sky, strawberries and the sun,
pink and purple, orange
even black and white
I like bright colors
I like it white or black
happy, mad or sad
is everything
telling me; grow up
live this life of in between
do I really have to know?
love mixed with hope of healing
this color brown
yet
it doesn’t really bring me down
it just
well
it’s brown

and it brightens after i've been crying


Brown

it’s raining diamonds
here today
are you in with me
can you also see
everything so sparkling wet
do you see that kiss
stolen from red lips
do you see
that sun ray reaching
two lovers on a yellow beach
do you see them
swimming nude
clear sky, water blue
come with me
and tell me
peachy secrets
around a blazing fire
ahhhh now I see
I see you and me

Porcupine

He was in front of us on the path, He or she seeing us first, scuffling of in the woods. I followed it a bit, sorry, i chased it up the tree.

Jane Jacobs and I walked all the way to the 911-pond. It was... oh a very enjoyable walk, but the world is kind of drab, cloudy and all fall colors fading.
This year there seem to be lots of black fall leaves. What does that mean?
I mean scientifically, but we wonder also what is that saying about us?

In the way Steven D. Farmer and Ted Andrews talk about animals.

Steven D. Farmer says about the porcupine:
"See the world through the eyes of a child, trusting your inner mother and father to be there whenever you need them."
to be continued

Harvest Moon

It is a full moon tonight. To be exact, here in the Yukon it will be full in a half hour or so, just after 11PM. (we are Pacific Daylight Time, i think.)
I would like to wait for a better picture, but by now the sky is totally cast over.
I also would like to write a nice poem about the moon. But i am just glad to sit down peacefully by now.
I did had a very nice time at a bonfire at the neighbours, but when i got home and tried to make a photo of the moon shifting in and out of sight. I had to figure out, again, how i change the exposure time on my camera (finally: put setting on TV and with the arrow pad change the exposure time, i think i did 1.5 sec. for this shot).

Then I can't find a calender in the whole house, when i find one, it doesn't say an exact time anyway. Ah i did find that on the Internet, eventually.
Then my husband comes home, very nice, with a special cookie; Lotus Seed w/2 yolks.
I am not going to find out what it means, maybe you know, but apparently it has to do with this moon.
But then he tells me i had let the water tank run dry. Oops. "well, why is that my responsibility!?" Oh, i am home all day, and my men they work 10 hour days.
Luckily there is water in the outside tank, and while i transfer it to the inside one, i still fuss about my own calender i can't find. It's OK.
Because now i will have my cookie,
Goodnight!
Have a magical one!

Snow

It is snowing lightly.
And as the day is breaking,
objects, bushes, grass and dead leaves on the ground
are dusted in white.
The snow melting on rocks and gravel ground.
I can't help it; I LOVE WINTER.
The month of October, i will see it come and go,
like a drumbeat
or the ripples on the Lake
Till it's here to stay.

Surf Scoters

It rained last night and as i step outside there is a light drizzle, I first bring in the half dry laundry. (who out there doesn't have a dryer? Dryers guzzle up energy you know:) Now my laundry is laying here on the couch half wet. And this moment the sun is shining. Here in the Yukon, never bring in laundry when it rains! that costs a lot of energy, because now i have to hang it up again, and it probably would have been dry by now, if i had left it outside.
Hey, but i wasn't going to talk laundry. I went to check the state of the ice :) in my rubber boots this time, i thought i might need them.(i did get a wet foot, breaking through the ice, tuesday) I find little left of the ice, but i see two birds, on my moose skull lake which has been practically deserted all summer.
A pair of Surf Scoters.

I walk all around the lake, through the wetland
I thought i might like to paint something like this, in my own colorful way. Alexander says all my paintings look the same. I guess they do. Hey, i am still working on my skills and developing some latent talent, but i do like to tell you, that i have an exposition in the Victoria Faulkner women's centre (only for woman). Alexander doesn't want to look or talk about the other paintings i do, a series i call; my own skin. So i figured it is maybe only suited for women. No i am just kidding, the women's centre was just looking for some art to brighten up the place and of course to help us women. It's a wonderful place by the way.

To get back to my walk, i found this interesting fungus on a willow bush.
If you are familiar with it, please let me know what it is. Thanks

It was lovely out there by the way, you know me. Although i do love ice (it must be something Dutch, as you two from Holland responded to my ice post, Thanks!!!)
but rain or shine, i love it all.