romantic relationships

 A confession here, i still find i do get mad at my husband too much. Every single day at least once. Just now it was about how he responds. I like to whine here a bit. Tell you how it is all his fault, while i am always trying my best.  I am thinking here now, when i really express my frustration, maybe i can figure it out. me doing here ( luckily mostly to myself , i have no idea if anyone reads my blog. I have been exploring other blogs, leaving comments, but i realize i have to either follow them or sign up for email notification, to actually see if what i comment creates  further communication. To me that is still my aim for blogging again. Back in the days, 2008 was it? A blog community appeared miraculously it never having been my intention. It was this morning that i got an email from an old friend and i realized it was her back in the day who said, Jozien it is ok if you just wander around in the woods for the rest of your life instead of going back to work , but  maybe you can share your adventures through writing, as it was in a time when blogging was hot, a blog turn out perfect for me.

Anyway back to the husband, one thing that bugs me about him, is that he always complains. Like me here now. ( i do  see the joke in this) But honest to God the way he complains, i think he is the champion.

So le me tell you about earlier this morning, right now he is outside, getting set up to shovel snow. Which is for him getting harder and harder. Even getting dressed in all his winter gear i have to help him, because he lost the use of one arm to arthritis. Anyway while he is still here in the house.

Wow this very moment, sitting up straight without crossed legs, I get up to look out of the window that faces the yard. He is shoveling snow with ATV, what a guy! I am very blessed to have him, the hard worker in him.

But back to earlier, he is complaining about shovelling snow, and has done so for a few months now, because well we know winter will be coming. I have always seen this is how he is, he starts complaining about something the minute after he accomplished it. Like he is happy now for two days ( if with the arthritis he can do it) shovelling snow. the 3 day imagine he be all done and all is beautiful to me, no he will start complaining about the next time. He used to work seasonally, when working he would complain about what needed to be done at home, when at home ( he would have 6 months off, being a seasonal worker, the whole six months he would complain about having to go back to work.

So he starts complaining about the ATV being in the back of the shop.

Whaoo! i make the back mistake of saying, maybe we could... He does not let me finish my sentence. You probably know already, i the problem solver, and he just wanting to be heard, like me here.

But i tell you i have tried i have tried on  many occasion for 30 years, to just let him talk, I tell you! it does not work for him. He will dig himself in deeper and deeper, because or so it seems i am not getting it, it is way worse then that and he will keep going  making it worse. When i started timing him in this, it would take him at least an hour before he stopped talking, with the only result that the next day it would be the same, snow will still fall kind of thing. no matter how hard we complain, every winter it does so, and moving to Hawaii is not option, that would be a two hour story of why not. one that i even believe. I do not want to move to Hawaii.

Maybe tomorrow i can tell you a bit of how i do sometimes deal  with it (or not deal with it) in ways that are more harmonious for me.  Not for him I swear he just flipping loves complaining!

But i did not finish this mornings argument. So he interrupted me by saying; No that is not possible ( remember i had not said what my solution was. But then i get snotty. Because now he is talking about all the possibilities  that are not possible, he wants to explain why not. And here i won't let him, i start raising my voice, stop stop, if you do not want a solution please lett's not talk about.

etc etc you get the drift at the end i walk away to fold laundry and he call me to help him get dressed.

All is well in the world of romantic relationships.

I hope yours too!

I know harmony is possible for many, i do see examples of it in family and friends.

 

Two deer in the yard

 At the onset of dusk, my husband spotted a deer right in front of the window, we turned of the light and watched them. We can always see how they respond to any movement or sound from us, so we move slowly and quietly. But by the lifting their head with ears up, we know they are  already aware of us. They seemed to be eating the big rosehips from the white rose, and from the saskatoon berry and gooseberry bushes. They move very slow every move predictable. And in the dim light when they do not move you hardly see them. I predict they will go to the raspberry bushes which have lots of  big dried leaves. In previous years we have seen them there many times. Not today, maybe they leave that for another day.

As i am from an era of positive thinking, affirmations etc. I  often, when aware of discomfort (the weird comments here)  If i catch it in the moment, the feeling of it, I start off with acknowledging  my feelings, of discomfort this time. I do now   think the deer knew this :), as they arrive in perfect time, because after this acknowledgement, i will shift my focus to something i am grateful for. For me that is often the blue sky or birdsong or the way the light falls on some thing. At night i do love the soft embrace of  the dark.  But today as on que the deer appear.

For me living this close to nature, using the outhouse in the morning, our morning walks, our afternoon adventures. Always always instantly engulfs me with joy.

How bad is it?

 Ah  early this morning i was a bit rattled by the ghost commenter. ( is there a word for that?)

And so really the topic i had in mind for today, arises with more urgency. So thank you anonymous.

How bad is it? This could apply to lots of things, but i here am thinking in the lines of personal suffering. Do i suffer because of this lengthy comment from an anonymous writer? Not really, just rattled a bit. and i choose to use it as an opportunity. Till i guess it becomes a problem for me, and then i know there are ways to avoid such comments.

This an easy one, grateful to  be here

 But I am sure there are people suffering deeply, due to situations that really matter. and always i think that is were our focus should be, when trying to eliminate suffering.

And not  for example giving everybody a rebate, incl. me who does not need it. Because i live in a wealthy country were it is obviously possible to give everybody a rebate, instead of helping the people who need it. ( more on this rebate later) How odd to think that we help the people that are suffering, by giving the same help to everybody.

Anyway yesterday i happened to meet a lovely person from a minority group who comes from a country in which according to the media, that does not like this minority group. 

I asked how that was living it, The first response was yes it is all true. Second i asked  but how is it for you what is your experience? Oh no all fine! No bad experiences at all.

I get that response  most of the time when i ask in similar ways.

Mostly everybody is always fine it is others that suffer, no no i am not suffering but what about the others?

About the rebate i receive due to rising energy price, here in the Yukon we get a 50 dollar rebate on our monthly electricity bill.  Now my bill is only 40 dollars on average, so i am being paid ten dollars a month. Yes i admit i am not complaining to the giver, and receive gratefully.

In the rebate case, i have been thinking how as a society can we help the people who really need it.

not that simple.

speaking my truth

 I guess that is what i am trying to do here.

It does not have to be your truth, but surely it might not be the truth of the masses, in my case.

Recently i was reading about mass formation. Back in the days of Harry Potter, i was kind of astonished how it seemed to me that we all loved Harry Potter. I found that exciting, but also kind of odd. I had been enjoying dancing in a big group when a teenager, but besides that i always feel i am not much interested in mass events. But there i was lining up for the first Harry Potter movie.

One person that talks about this mass formation is Mattias Desmet. He suggest that it is important in these 'odd' ( my word) times we all speak our truth. I have been feeling to do this for a years, ha! i am finally here. And he does suggest that the voice that is not inline with the mass, will get stronger due to the masses. I love it, because for a few months now i am meditating every day on compassion. In my case on the fact that we/everything all give and receive. We All exist that way, the impossibility of standing on our own, the paradox, that recognizing this for me, is that we/everything is unique in it's own way.

It is kind of cool to think of it that i am finally blogging again, because i feel that i was for a few years at odds with the covid-19 thing. As that is kind of subsiding, people do not discriminate me anymore for my choices. Now the topic seems to be climate change.

Tomorrow i will write about how i am at odds with this climate change hype. It is not that i deny climate change, it is quite different, Same as in the beginning of covid-19 I was put on a heap with  deniers of covid,  and later with anti-vaccers. I found it quite humorous that i was supposed to be just needing to be convinced of the Truth, that my stand was somehow ignorant, and I needed to be educated.  All signs of this mass formation i suppose.

When dancing with a big group of people, hmm what about the one that stands still? or too drunk, come to mind.

health care

 On CBC Yukon, this morning they talked about the nurses shortage and the teacher shortage in the Territory. 

The only solution they talk about is how to recruit more.

To me, really? is that a solution? For all i know we have more nurses and more teachers per capita then in most places of the world.

What always comes to my mind is, are we still living in an era of slave drivers?

We need more nurses, f! the rest of Canada or world, we have more money so we can buy more...

My solution  is, let us live healthier, needing less care.

And have a lifestyle that promotes healing.

 And  live less long. In the Whitehorse Star  yesterday they wrote about going into a dementia boom.  I hope to die before dementia sets in. So i hope that at one point i can say with my family, let me go, do not put me on medication. What does common opinion say? blood thinners, prevent stroke which means you have more quality of life,  I always think how do they figure that? So yes one can still walk without aid, but now one will eventually get dementia.

The live less long is difficult i think, but  living healthier. Should be possible.

 a lifestyle that promotes healing, .

I am very blessed that that is possible to me,

My back is almost all good again. So i am off for our morning walk

Snow and quite cold, brrr so it is a bit of a.. thing, having to push ourselves a little harder, but as it is our routine for many years, the body/mind does help me, the body/mind wanting to go out . And it is actually Don this time who is putting his boots on first.

I find this habit thing always quite interesting, how we are so stuck in/ or helped by our habits.

 Shadhala! 'sunny mountain', hoping for a glimpse for you too.

Lower back pain

 Dear oh dear why am i beating up on myself these days? Going from one little thing to the next.

And having a hiking day again that  i do not want to cancel. 

I always preach, take care of your body, give it rest. But it is hard to do that. I won't take medication that is for sure. We do not have pills of any kind in the house for many many years. I found a little bottle of advil years ago, but as it was outdated in 2014 or something, i disposed of it.

While canoeing upstreaming i tried a new move to relieve my shoulders a bit and work more from the core, oops, not good, i felt it go.  Not doing that twist again i was good all day, but felt it in the morning. And now it is still sore3 days later.

Not bad though, sure i can hike,  but what is it telling me? loving my lower back left side I will now here ask; 'dear dear what are you telling me', thanking it ( as my yoga teacher taught me). The left so 'they' say my feminine side, the back  being support. What comes to me; "it is safe to stand straight up, my environment will support me when i choose to stand tall. But i can do it on my own, no worries."

Loving me. Looking after my back with loving care, keeping it warm , supporting it and not forcing it. I will let you know how i do today:)

 I will finish the writing of the  hike that day, on the previous post.

But one more thing, I wonder how that is for other people. I did not tell my partner about the slight sprain, i told her two days after. i did stop the move, but i did not  ask  if we could beach the canoe for a bit, and give it a rest right then and there.

I am learning to listen.

Wildside lake, with continuation no 1

 Yesterday i finally did a big outing again.  An adventure of kind, pioneering a route to a no name lake. We called  it Wildside Lake, we got there following Sunset  ridge, and climbing over Happy hill. Ahh we forgot to name the lovely creek.

I left the house at 8.30 am, at daybreak.  My friend had the canoe already packed, and i am sure by 9 o'clock we were in the water. Takhini river. from Mendenhall landing we paddled upstream. The river high, but hugging the western shore we made good progress, a few kilometers in we ferried across and  pulled the canoe on shore. My friend had explored this route before, but had not made it as far as the lake.

The dark spruce forest , mossy floor is open enough to hike through,  we come out by the creek on the south side, and see there is a big high clay bank typical of the landscape here, on the northwest side of the creek.  It doesn't look like it is very long. But  we do decide to climb up it, to walk on top of ridge is always easier then navigating close to a wild creek. It was a good choice  and on the way back we named it sunset hill, as we made it back on it  just in time for sunset, probably around 6 pm.

to be continued

 Sunset ridge slowly  turns into forest floor. In this spruce forest we had started seeing some pine trees, Pinus latifolia, and  later some giant aspen (Populus tremuloides) . we follow the animal trail that came from the ridge. Suddenly we start seeing a lot of fallen trees we have to climb over, mostly poplars (the aspen) Big trees, and as we come closer to the creek, we will see they have been fallen by beaver, a little beaver dam  but these beaver certainly use big trees for their winter food supply.

We follow the beaver ponds in the creek, but as we have to cross the creek  again eventually, we use an opportunity when one presents it self, where the creek is nice and deep but not very wide.

( Are beaver ponds 'in' a creek, it does not seem the right preposition. ??)